Astronaut
by shouvley
Summary: Sam is getting married. Will Leah be there or will it be too painful? One-Shot


_**A/N: I've been going through a Leah/Sam phase. I feel like I have a ton of story ideas for them. Here's one that I wrote today when I should have been studying. Hope you enjoy it. Remember to review!**_

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I was getting married today.

I was getting married to Emily today.

I couldn't remember a time when I hadn't been looking forward to this day. It seemed like this was all I had ever wanted. It would have been crazy to have ever wished for something different.

Except I had.

Less than two years ago it had been Leah and I. She was the only one who cared about me. The only one who mattered. She kept me going through all the hard times. And she made the good times that much better.

I'd tried to fight the imprint for as long as possible. I didn't know what had happened, all I knew was that after I met Emily, Leah and I were different. I could go days without seeing her. I could sit on the couch next to her and not have the urge to pull her onto my lap. My heart didn't pound when she said she loved me. We were growing apart and I had no idea why.

I felt guilty knowing that I couldn't get her cousin out of my mind. I vowed to never let Leah know how fully Emily consumed my thoughts. I figured it would go away eventually.

Then I saw Old Quil and he explained to me what had happened. Once I realized that my feelings were real they were that much harder to ignore. I was breaking promises left and right, and I was feeling no remorse for my actions. It was at that moment that I felt like more of a monster than my wolf form had ever made me feel.

As I let my mother tie my bow tie I found myself wondering if she would be there. Emily had asked her to be a bridesmaid but she had politely refused. Emily understood and was gracious about it. She confided to me that she was worried Leah would object at the wedding. I assured her that would never happen. Leah's acceptance of my imprint went deeper than mine did. It would be more likely that I would object than she.

She told me that she couldn't see me get married, but I couldn't help but to hope that I would see her leaning against the wall in the back of the church. I didn't know why. It would be painful for both of us as I said my vows to someone else. But it was hard to imagine getting married without her being there, bride or not.

Everyone was off doing the final preparations and I was left by myself, to 'collect my thoughts' as my mother informed me. This was the last thing that I needed. The more thinking that I did the more I realized how much I had hurt Leah. She had been doing so well lately, becoming beta in Jacob's pack, finding her own form of happiness and now I was twisting the knife once again. If I could just fade away and help her forget I would. I regretted it every day that my imprint was her cousin.

I knew I should have been thinking about Emily. And I was. There was never a time that she didn't color my thoughts, but I centered on Leah. Knowing how wrong I was to be thinking about someone else on my wedding day I started to breakdown, taking my head in my hands. My shoulders shook as I held back the tears that had been threatening to spill over from the moment I knew I would have to leave Leah behind.

I heard the door open and close quietly. I could smell her. She was here. I didn't think about my actions as I turned by body to face her. She looked beautiful though she was only in jeans and a t-shirt. She wouldn't be coming to the ceremony.

She walked up to me and put her arms around me. "It's okay, Sam. Don't feel guilty. I'm okay with it. Really I am."

She was a horrible liar. I didn't believe her for a second but she needed for me to believe her so that she could believe herself. More than anything I wanted her to be able to get over this. She deserved at least that much.

I nodded and held her a little closer. "I love you so much."

She smiled and put a hand to my cheek. "But you love Emily more."

Tears threatened to spill over as I nodded. "I'm so sorry," I apologized. I don't know how many times I'd said it but I knew it would never be enough. But I would never stop saying it. Because I would never stop feeling it.

She took a deep breath and pulled back. "It's almost time. Good luck." She kissed the top of my head and left me alone. If I couldn't still smell her on my clothes I would have thought I imagined the whole thing.

I stood and walked from the room and stood next to Jared. He smiled at me and I returned it. I was marrying Emily.

There was no denying the pull I felt. Emily was like gravity, keeping me grounded. And Leah would never know how much I wished I could be an astronaut.

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**_A/N: For those who are wondering, I haven't been able to write as much as I would have liked lately so I'm not going to be posting much. Hopefully once school is over I'll be able to get back into a routine. I hope. School is draining._**


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